--> geek out

I wrote this for a friend, who is laptop hunting, to help her out, and thought I may as well post it here - who knows, it might help someone else, too. Geek up, my friends.

A Super Fun Happy Guide to:

Laptops & Computer Lingo
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
as composed by Jac. :^)

Foreword:

This guide aims to help you gain fluency and confidence in the language of nerds and computer enthusiasts, and aid you in your technological ventures.

Live long and prosper,

- Jackles.


Central Processing Unit (CPU) :

The CPU, commonly known simply as a processor, is, in my brother's words, "the heart of a computer". In my words, it is "the brains of a computer" - so if you mash those two analogies together and squint real hard, you've got it. Basically, anything the computer does and everything you tell it to do - gets "processed" by this heart-brain amalgamation - and the bigger it is, the more information it can pump through quicker, and the faster everything gets done. It is a major factor in how fast your computer can run - a tiny heart-brain can't do as much in the same time as a giant heart-brain can. Too slow a processor can lead to "lagginess", where the mouse stutters across the screen as the processor chokes on a particularly large program you've just tried to open up, subsequently rendering your computer deaf and dumb to anything else you might have want it to do in the next five minutes. :^)

So, the awesomeness of a processor is measured in "gigahertz" - GHz, and before technology managed to crack the 1GHz line, they were measured in "megahertz" - MHz (1000 MHz = 1 GHz). Windows Vista requires at least 800MHz to scrape by, but for your computer to be happy and love its job (and not have to cry its way through every miserable second of its sad little life), aim for something higher than 1.2GHz. An average laptop these days ($600>) would easily have 1.2GHz +, and top of the line laptops have about 3.2GHz or so. If you're just going to surf the net and play sudoku, then 1.2GHz would cut it. For medium sized programs like Photoshop, etc, about 1.6GHz + is good (RAM is more important in the case of Photoshop, but more on that later), and if you're a gaming freak, then you'll want at least 2.8GHz for the latest and most gruelling games.

The standard 2.2GHz is easily enough for most things, and won't be left behind by technology too fast - it should easily stand up to at least five or six years of technological advancement (then again, with the rate technology improves...) :^D My little lappie sits very happily on 1.6GHz, and gets around fiddling on the net and working in Photoshop just fine, but does have a little trouble with games with masses of gorgeous eye candy (Assassin's Creed - why must you be so pretty?!). Scribble's laptop has either a 2.2 or a 2.4GHz processor, which I can't really compare to mine, considering it's running under different conditions (MAC!! D^:), but it seems to handle more intense programs better than mine can.

Oh!! Nearly forgot - get a Core 2 Duo if you can! It's basically like having two heads/heart-brains - so secretly, a 1.6GHz Core 2 Duo processor is just as good as a normal 3.2GHz. Bwahahah.

So. Processor = heart-brain of computer. 2.2GHz + = v. nice. Get a Core 2 Duo if you can.

Next.


Random Access Memory (RAM):

If we continue along the "computer/bodily counterpart" theme, we can think of RAM as being a computer's short-term memory. In the same way that we remember what we had for breakfast this morning (well, ok, maybe not), and tomorrow morning, we probably won't remember what we had (unless it was strawberry cheesecake, served to you in a watering can by a man in a green dinosaur suit who was yelling the recipe in binary - then you'd probably wouldn't forget, and would most likely be permanently scarred for the rest of your life (unless of course it happened on a regular basis, then-)) - THAT ASIDE, I forget what I was saying. Yeah, so, the RAM stores temporary information that the programs you are running might need to access in a hurry, and when you turn off your computer, it forgets it all because it doesn't need it anymore (like you and the knowledge of what you had for breakfast). Ok, example: You're Photoshopping away, and you've got 50 bazzilion layers and filters happening - and you start to notice your computer's not doing so well, in fact, it's missing beats and having a hard time keeping up with you. This is probably because it's run out of RAM - its short-term memory - and might be having to convert some of your earlier layers to "long-term" memory (more later) just so it can keep up, meaning that if you ask it to pretty please go back to layer 7, it might break down and cry (computers are sentimental creatures, too).

RAM is measured in "megabytes" (MB) and "gigabytes" (GB) (1000 MB = 1 GB). Windows Vista "claims" to be happy running on just 512MB, but everyone knows it secretly likes to chew it's way through at least 1GB of RAM. Granma's routine email check and occasional solitaire game barely register on the radar, and 1GB would more than enough. 2GB would fulfil the typical teenager's needs - it would play the blaring music, load the thousand web pages and their associated pop-ups, and would allow them to contribute to the myspace landfill quite comfortably. 3GB is 'apparently' the most Windows Vista will recognise (WHERE'D MY EXTRA GIG GO?!?!?! Also, I suspect it's just my computer being annoying...), but 3GB is pretty massive and will cope with your visions of world domination. At the moment, top of the line laptops have 4GB-ish.

So - aim for 3GB RAM. Should be fairly standard.

Bring it!


Hard Disk Drive (HDD):

This is the "long-term memory" of your computer. The Operating System (Windows Vista, etc), the programs, and all your photos, music, downloads, homework etc - all lives here. This space is measured in the same units as the RAM - bytes (B), kilobytes (KB), megabytes (MB), gigabytes (GB) and TERA(!)bytes (TB). (1000B = 1KB; 1000KB = 1MB; 1000MB = 1GB; 1000GB = 1TB) An average photo is 500KB, a song is 5MB, a program is 500MB to 1GB, and Windows Vista caps it all off with a whopping 20GB chunk out of your hard drive. Keep that in mind as you're buying - you're effectively looking at 20GB less space than what is advertised.

How do you know how much space you'll need? Well, my little guy here has 80GB (read as 60GB), and it's really not enough. I have about 3GB worth of program files (Photoshop, Painter, etc), 2GB of music (and 4GB more stored somewhere else...), 2.5GB of photos (again, with 3GB somewhere else), aaaaand a load of other stuff, that in the end has used up all but 15GB of my hard drive. Probably 120GB+ would have been nice - but I can always get an external hard drive to offload some of my less important files.

Go around to all the folders of things you would like on your laptop, and add up their sizes (you can find the size of a folder by Right-Clicking on the folder, and going to Properties. It will tell you there.) Be careful of the units!! Programs, music, photos, downloads, etc etc - find the grand total, and add 20GB (to cover the Operating System's size), and another 20GB (for new things you'll put on it), and ANOTHER 20GB to have spare. Having spare space on your hard drive is important, especially if you don't have much RAM. When the computer runs out of RAM, it'll move some of the info stored in the RAM to the hard drive, in a makeshift simulation of 'more' RAM. It's not as good as having more RAM, but occasionally the computer will do this so it can get by. So it's important to have the space.

If you're a pack rat with your files or have monsters of programs, then try for 300GB+, but probably 200GB would be cushy. If you do run out of room, you can get an external hard drive - a little storage device smaller than A5 size that plugs into the side of your 'puter, which range from $100 for 500GB ish, to $200 for 1TB (1000GB), and even up to 5TB for I don't want to think about how much... :^D

In the end, about 200GB+ is good.

Onward, ho!


Optical Disk Drives:

Also very important. These read - and occasionally write - your CDs, DVDs and BlueRay disks - aaaaand sometimes, they do not. :^D A CD drive will read CDs, but nothing else. A DVD drive will read DVDs and also CDs, but not BlueRay. A BlueRay drive will read BlueRay, DVDs and also CDs (although there are a few out there that can't handle CDs).

A CD writer (writers are also known as burners) can only write CDs. A DVD writer can write DVDs and also CDs. A BlueRay writer would be hugely expensive - if I could find one anywhere, but I can't so I can't tell you about it but if you find one, why don't you tell me? :^)

My laptop doesn't have an optical drive, which as a result makes it masses lighter, buuuuut also a pain in the butt. Most laptops have disk drives, so don't worry too much.

So - A DVD burner is best, or at least a DVD reader if you can. CDs are being phased out, and DVDs are the in thing, and BlueRay is just up itself.

AN: Yes, Jac is indeed anti-BlueRay.


Graphics Cards:

Graphics cards are really only important if you're into gaming. Otherwise, don't worry. 128MB is good, and 256MB is fairly standard. End matter! :^)


Extras and Bits and Pieces:

Screen: 12" is small, but more portable. 13" or 14" is a good compromise between good screen-estate and portability. 17" is good for a stay-at-home laptop (imagine that!), and makes for good movie watching. Also, check the maximum resolution - if it's something like 1024x768, then all the icons and words and windows'll be huge and take up heaps of space. A screen resolution of 1280x1024 or bigger is good, and will let you fit more on your screen, and everything will look finer.

Ports: Ports are the little slots on the sides of your laptop that you plug everything into, and most laptops have a pretty standard set up. About 2-3 USB ports is nice (you plug your cameras, phones, mp3 players and tablets into these), an RJ-11 or RJ-14 or RJ-25 port (I forget which one they use now) to plug into a modem if you need (using a cord like the one connected to your land-line phone), umm, an audio jack port (like the little hole on your mp3 player you plug the ear-phones into), and a card reader (make sure it's at least got an SD card reader - they're the cards that go into your cameras and some mp3 players and newer phones). With that much, you should be ok.

So: 2 to 3 USB, an RJ-11/14/25 or something, audio jack and card reader at least.

Wi-Fi: MUST HAVE!! Especially if you want to be able to connect to the internet without having to have a cable. (although, that also relies on you having a wireless broadcasting modem...) :^) Most laptops have it anyway.

Bluetooth: Nice. Used to communicate with phones, and especially fancy computer mice, but can do without. Not always included on a laptop, but you can get it later if you end up wanting it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Yeep. that's it, mainly it. I'm all geeked out. Also, I apologise for any major inaccuracies or particularly hard to understand analogies. My bad.

Hope that helped a bit, and May the Force be with You!


Jac, over and out.